SPM Results

hey bloggy, i'm sorry i haven't blog for quite some time...
here i am, feeling disappointed and blue but not depressed...
i swear, i felt worse when i got my pmr results...cried a lot too...
this time, i did not show my tears in front of anyone...
except my youngest sis...more like sobbing...
i promised myself that i will not shed tears this time...
i'm going to keep that promise...

My SPM Results:
English = A+
BM = B+
Moral = B+
Sejarah = B
Biology = B
Chemistry = C
Phtsics = C
Maths = D


yes, i know...my results are awful...what an eyesore...
you must be thinking 'wow, this dumb ass sure has guts or 
even dare post her horrible spm results in her blog where the public can see...
doesn't she feel ashamed? '
well ya, i'm just being honest so...whatever...
seriously, i expected to get at least 4A's...
my english getting A+...that's expected...
honestly, that's the one thing i can be proud of since my results are so horrible...
if my english get an A- or just an A with my results looking like that,
i can just call myself a retard, brainless...etc...for the rest of my life and to the next life...
i wanted to get A for my bm, moral and especially bio (my 2nd best subject)...
and look how it turned out! my bio, just B...not even an A-!
my bm...*sigh* i was so confident i could get an A...wth, just B+?!
well, what's done is done...
i know i've disappointed everyone in my life...
they must have expected more from me and i completely let them down...
what else can i say except ' i'm sorry '...?
my mom didn't scold me but its obvious that she's disappointed...
she just made herself sound all ok and completely fine about it...
she kept telling me i did better than her and 
that my spm results are better than my usual school exam results...
mom even joke that dad and her still have to give me money since i got 1A...
i told her 'i guess there is a bright side for getting such bad results...
at least dad and you won't have to give me so much money...' 
my mom just laughed but i kept quiet...
i don't think i even want their money now...
don't feel like i deserve getting any...
she called me like 4 times to make sure i was ok...
mom, don'y worry...i won't flood your house with my tears...
my dad, it was so freaking clear that he is sooo disappointed in me....
the only thing he said to me was 
'nvm la, you got more than 5 credits so you can enter 1 academy for sure...'
when my 'big bro' called, asking me bout my results...
man, that was....hard for me...
i really looked up to him since he is really like my brother...
his family is even closer to me than my mom and dad's side of the family...
he tutored me maths when i was form 3 and 
because of him i managed to enter science class 
with my maths being the weakest subject, got a B...
he is a straight A student, head boy of the school, 
a prefect and now a very successful dentist...
my fear was to not disappoint him and his family...and i just did!!!!! oh helllllllllll!!!!!!!!!
i had to choke back my sob when i told him my results 
and really had to control my voice to make it sound like 
i wasn't going to cry on the phone when i said 'gor, i'm sorry i disappointed you...'
he even said 'no lah, where got? its ok la...'
i've disappointed so many people...
my family, my family's family, my friends, my sister's friends, 
my 'big bro' and his family, my teachers...
the ones i did not disappoint are my pets! > <''
what else can i do except listen to sad classical music and sad songs for the whole day? 
i really want to call janet...
according to my mom, she was crying really hard...
my mom felt heart sick knowing that one of 
my best friend is crying so much and she is alone...
i'm feeling so darn guilty right now! 
i couldn't find her in school after getting my results...
as her best friend, i failed to comfort her...
i really wanted to call her and comfort her but 
henry told me to let her calm down for a few hours and comfort her later...
i'm just afraid that she will be more depressed
 and accepting the truth all alone without anyone to make 
her feel better and to tell her that its not the end of the world...
her results are way better than mine but she studied hard for spm 
and for getting the results she has now, 
clearly she is not satisfied...
she's probably more disappointed with herself than i am right now...
i'm disappointed in myself but somehow, deep down...
i know that i would get only 1A...
its expected since all this time even in school exams, 
i can only get A for english consistently 
while my other subjects like bm and bio get A and B, different from time to time...
jasmine is probably disappointed in me too...
being my classmate and sitting next to me for 2 years, 
she probably thought i would get at least get 5A's...
i'm very proud of her though...
she got straight A's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is definitely a bright future ahead of her...
after knowing my results, she did not talk to me much for she was chatting 
and busy congratulating her other friends who got straight A's for their spm too...
i can't blame her...i mean, hello? do i fit in with them? 
i have 1A and they have like 9 and 10A's? the gap is just too big! 
i went to pui yee's class to tell her bout my results...
pui yee just said no matter what, she still loves me...
yup, everyone is just saying nice and sweet things to make me feel better...
but i'll admit that they do make me feel a little bit better...
i told pui yee that since i'm so blue, i better drink beers and get myself drunk for a day...
that was a joke! like hell i would do such a thing! 
i don't even have any alcoholic drinks in my house...not even shandy...= =''
oh well, i'll just eat as many chocolates as i can to make myself happy again...
chocolates will be my beer...
anyway, those who have excellent results for spm...congrats! 
those who don't and have most likely the same results 
or did a bit more better than me...its ok...
just feel blue for a day or maybe 2-3 days and 
don't think bout it after that...you guys are not alone...
not everyone can get a pass with flying colours...
if you can't do well in your studies...whatever then...
you still have your own talents...make use of them and 
that can make you successful in future too... 

Evanescence

finally, you guys are back! evanescence aren't dead and forgotten! 
their band still lives and so does their music!
at first i thought the band members have parted with their own seperate ways 
but it seems there are now new members...
i don't mind as long as amy lee is still the lead vocal...
she's my dark angel~
i'm really thrilled that evanescence are back! 
their songs are meaningful, dark and 
amy lee is such a gothic angel in all the music videos she's been in! 
she's born to be a goth! the gothic make-up just totally suits her! 
i'm still into their old songs like 
holding my last breath, bring me to life, my immortal and lithium (these are my favs)...
evanescence, your songs bring me to life, 
they touched my heart and moved my soul...and they still do~
whenever i'm depressed, i'll drum my eardrums with those songs 
and my mind just goes blank...
i'll think of nothing else except focusing on amy lee's beautiful voice...
i'll focus on the lyrics of the songs, 
trying to capture and understand their deep, dark meaning...
my sad and angry feelings will just disappear as each song is played...
when the song ends, so does my depressing feelings...all gone~
after listening to their songs, i would feel so alive...
their songs would drain all those negative feelings within me...
evanescence, TQVM...you guys are just amazing! 
i even got my sisters into loving your songs! glad they loved them...
evanescence will be coming to malaysia in feb 23...
sadly, i won't get a chance to see them since my parents won't let me go...
same reason why i didn't go to see u-kiss during the 3rd music wave last year...XP
if u-kiss or kim hyun joong(he said he would) come to malaysia this year...
i seriously have to go! no way can i waste my youth 
and not enjoy doing the things i wanna do when i'm not wrinkled up like a prune!
the last thing i would like to say in this blog post is: 
EVANESCENCE ROCKS!!! 
PS: AMY LEE, SARANGHAE!!!  

Oh Well...

i didn't get the job...

doctor said he wants a temporary staff 

and not a part-timer...

oh well, i'll just have to look for another job...

mun yi invited me to check out this job on saturday...

it seems that she and lucas are working together there...

something about touring and earning big bucks...

mun yi said the singapore team will be there on saturday 

and there will be further explanation about the job...

but that depends on whether i'm free this weekend...

haizzz...searching for a job is easy for some people 

but i guess i'm not one of the 'some people'...

bad luck for me...

geez, if only i had transportation...

i would just work at tenshi no cafe at e@curve...

i guess i'm stuck doing the same thing i do every day...

not that i mind but sometimes it just 

gets boring being in the house all day...

i wanna go out! 

being stuck inside the house 24/7 is unhealthy!

i'm bored reading the same novels again!

i need a new novel, 

i need to read 'inheritance'!!

i'm sick of my going to 

kaput battery hp! i need xperia x3!!

i seriously need a job!! 

i need $$$!!!!

but there is no f-ing way am 

i gonna rob a bank to get $$$!

hell no!!! 

Just Give Me An Answer!

ok, i went to the clinic early for the interview 

and this doctor interviewed me...

asking me for my name, age, why i want this job...blah blah blah...

so normally people work for 8hrs, 

and i might be taking the 8am till 4pm or the 4pm till 12am

(if the doctor leaves early at night so can i...) 

in the end, she said she has to check with 

another doctor on whether he needs a me anot...

they want a permanent staff and 

not a part-timer who will resign after 3 months...

they wouldn't want to go through the hassle 

of searching for another person to employ after i leave...

but if they are desperate, they will employ me...

so they want me to walk to their clinic again 2moro 

morning to inquire whether i get the job...

come on, just give me an answer! 

yes or no...don't give me 'see how' or 'maybe'!

i can't take this pressure! 

my mind is spinning with 'yes, i got the job!' and 'no, i didn't get it...'

its making me worry cuz if i dont get that job, 

it means no rm700 per month and bye bye xperia phone!! 

my mind would not be at peace throughout 

the whole day with this pressure!

please! i need this job! 

i need the money! i need a new hp! 

i saw yue xin and her mom having lunch at wong keong 

and yue xin asked me bout my interview...

what can i say? i'm not as lucky as her...

she got a job as an assistant working in at a kindergarden in the morning 

and at noon she will be working at her shop...

why can my friends find a job so easily but its so hard for me??

*big sigh*

$700?!

i accompanied my mom n sis to the 
clinic yesterday cuz pui yeng has skin problem 
and the the staffs there are actually looking for someone to employ! 
there a vacancies! 
i better not miss this chance! 
my interview is on monday at 11am...
i hope i'll get the job...
the clinic is near my house too 
so i won't any problem with transportation...
i can just walk there in less than 5 mins!
guess what? if i get the job, 
i'll be paid rm700 per month! 
i can buy sony ericsson xperia x3 
just after working for a month! 
according to henry the price of that phone 
has dropped to rm650+ but less than rm700!
its about time i change my hp too...
my hp has been wacky lately which means 
its time to change the battery since it will 
kaput after 1 year but the battery is expensieve! 
i can't buy the battery every year!
might as well buy a new hp then. 
my dad agrees with me...like duh! 
since i'll be using my own money to buy a new hp 
rather than asking him to buy for me! ><''
but i guess that's how it is...
if you want something, you gotta earn to get it..
kami-sama, please let the interview 
go smoothly for me to get a job there!
once i get the job, i'll be motivating myself to work hard 
and earn the money in order to buy a new hp! 
sony ericsson xperia x3, wait for me! 



                       

H.O.T

H-O-T...

yes, its spelled as hot. 

hot has many reasons...

hot chick, hot babe...hot hot hot...

this means 'sexy/very attractive'

but the hot i'm referring to is hot as in hot weather! 

and i mean very hot weather!!

is this even malaysia?? 

i thought malaysia should have tropical weather 

but right now i feel like i'm in a desert!

come on! just rain already! i need RAIN! 

the rain i want is in liquid form falling from the sky 

and not the korean artist Rain who is human.

sadly, from what i know...

this kind of hot weather will last until the month of april 

and only in may will it rain more often...

i guess we can only sufferrrrrrrrrr till the month of may then...

the month of november and december is paradise...

i mean, the weather is just perfect! 

not too hot and too cold...just right! 

sometimes its so cooling that 

i don't even need the air-con in my room... 

seriously, i hope it rains very soon! i can't take this heat! 

my house is not a sauna and yet 

i sweat for no reason just cuz of the heat!

i don't wanna die of heat stroke and 

certainly not at such a young age! CHOI!

i feel like booking a plane ticket to alaska 

since i can't fit into the refrigerator unless 

i chop myself up into 11 pieces then only i can fit in it....

(which is the stupidest idea ever and definitely something 

i would never ever do! seriously, its ridiculous!)  

i know too much rain isn't good but too much heat isn't good either!

there should be a balance like yin and yang! 

 老天爷, please give us rain!!! like NOW!!! 

Bored At Home

i do the same thing every freakin' day...

watch rurouni kenshin which has 95 episodes 

and i'm still watching episode 50+...

take care and play with garfield, 

facebooking, read mangas, listen to music...

yup, doing the same thing everyday...

i need to get out of the house! 

i'm bored of doing the same thing everyday!

i wanna go out with friends! i miss them! 

but everyone is having their own life now...

most of them working and 

don't have much free time to hang out...

i'm starting to miss school a little cuz' i can't see my friends now 

and the fact is that school is the only place 

where you see your friends most of the time...

i hope yue xin replies my fb post soon...

i need to know when she's free so that 

i can walk over to her place and spend some time with her.

pui yee is going to kl kasturi for registration and 

i'm definitely gonna use that chance to get out of the house!

it'll be nice to go and visit kl's popular bookstore 

to check out animes and to walk at petaling street. 

hopefully after pui yee has registered, 

my mom will take us to mid val or 1u 

for some mother and daughters bonding over lunch/tea...

i really want to watch a movie...

i heard mission impossible is worth watching...

i've done my new year's shopping 

but my mom said i should buy more tops 

with sleeves and collar so that i'll look smart for college...

maybe i'll buy more of them since i'll be wearing them 

throughout the year and there are sales especially at padini and seed... 

anyway, i was happy that jasmine called me last night...

at least that made yesterday a little bit different 

than how i spent my normal days...

oh my goodness, we actually talked for almost an hour! 

it was like 53 mins! i guess that's what happens 

when you don't see your friends often and 

once you start talking there is no end since both 

have a lot to talk about what's been going on in their life...

i really think that the next time jasmine calls/i call her,

we'll be talking for more than 1 hour! 

anyway, i miss ren juan. i really wanna visit her 

but i don't know if she is working on saturdays and sundays too...

i can call and ask her but then i'm afraid of feeling disappointed 

if she tells me that she really is working on weekends too...

but surely she'll get 1 or 2 days off right? 

i guess i just have to ask her 

even if i would feel disappointed in the end...

well, that's what you get for not having a job...

you'll feel bored at home and will start missing your friends 

and you will also have the urge to find them to spend time with them...