When It Really Is 'Goodbye'...

it was on wednesday...

my class, 5SI1 recieved shocking news

from pn goh when we were having bm class with pn nazira...

pn goh was looking for my classmate fauzi but he was absent...

then pn goh told pn nazira that a student

in her class passed away on that very same day...

everyone was completely shocked...

we all prayed that fauzi was safe

but couldn't pray or say anything bout his gf who passed away...

imagine, his gf dying in a tragic car accident

and he was close to death as well...

they were both together in a car...

the girl was driving and she wasn't wearing her seat belt but fauzi did...

if they never skipped school, would this happen?

i can't say yes or no, cuz accidents do happen...

and they happen when you never expect them to...

even if it comes to a driver with license,

a very skilled driver or experienced drivers...

even if you are very careful on the road,

that does not mean others are careful too...

as long as you are on the road, your life is at stake...

either you reach your destination safely,

or you perish on your journey...

today, everyone in my class were so emo,

and i don't blame them at all...

some of the boys were crying during sejarah class

and they cried more during maths class...

maths teacher found it really hard to start the lesson

for everyone in class was so quiet, so emo, some in tears...

even the mischievous students were so quiet...

i don't know suha(fauzi's gf) at all...

the only thing i know bout her was that

she was ketua kawat for the red crescent society...

but seeing how sad and depressed my classmates were...

the ones that actually knew suha...

they were all shedding tears for her and

for fauzi for the accident has made a great impact on him...

he is affected physically, mentally and emotionally...

and to make things worst,

he needs more time to be strong,

stop being all depressed,

and to recover from shock...

but he doesn't have that much time left...

half a year is gone,

and this year is the most important year

for a form 5 student for we have our exam trials and spm exam!

fauzi is in such a complex predicament!

i saw many different sides of my classmates today...

i've never seen them cry...both boys and girls...

jasmine cried too...

like me, she wasn't really friends with suha

but jasmine still felt sad like everyone in class...

she tried to hold back her tears

but then i told her to just let it out for it will be better...

so she cried and all i could do for her is just

wrapped my shoulders around her for comfort as she wept...

when i hugged her,

i suddenly felt like her emotions were transmitting to me...

and suddenly, without even really realizing it,

i actually shed a few tears too...

the boys who were very close friends with fauzi,

they all cried their heart out...

they went to visit fauzi before who probably is at home right now...

safwan said when he saw fauzi all in a daze...termenung saja...

safwan broke down into tears straight away

for he knew that fauzi is having a really hard time

and he can't do anything except give fauzi his support...

maths teacher gave us time to calm ourselves

and so she start a new chapter of maths...

of course everyone in class have to be strong

and carry on the lesson to try to keep their mind of things...

and besides, if teacher didn't start a new chapter today,

we might not finish the syllabus on time for the trials or even spm...

but now that i think back, i pity hiqmal too...

hiqmal said he felt really disturbed...

cuz the last time he saw suha and fauzi

was the day before the accident happen

and the last thing hiqmal said to them

was bye after school...

but hiqmal never ever thought that saying bye to suha...

was really...

goodbye...

as in...forever...

no one can be resurrected from the dead

and the living can only mourn for their loss...

R.I.P SUHA

those who knew you,

loved you as a lover, as bff's,

as a student, as classmates, as family...

as a girl who once lived a happy life on earth...

Fungus Growth, Much More Worst Than Chicken Pox

seriously!

i've consulted 4 doctors!

2 clinic doctors,

a skin specialist,

and a dermatologist!

2 clinic doctors said the itchy spots

could be flea or tick bites...

n they blame it on my baby garfield!!! f*** them!

i took the medications and antibiotics,

and they failed as medicines...

when the spots became worse and

i started to have more on my arms n legs,

i consulted the skin specialist at a hospital...

who was of no help!

and he also said garfield might be the cause of it...garfield again??!!!

my poor baby boy is getting blamed for everything!!!

come on, specialist??! my ass! i can sue him!

he said it was allergy reaction right after using

a normal cellophane tape to stick on my spots

and just look under a microscope...

how unprofessional...

he charged me RM300+ for pills,

cream, and body wash...

damn him! my spots never got better!

he even adviced me to stay away from garfield!

my mom, all paranoid now cos' my sisters n

her are developing spots too but not as much as me...

(so to put it simply, i suffered the most!)

my mom took garfield to the pet shop

and requested the staffs to take care of

garfield until everyone is recovered...

everyone except my dad and my maid...

they don't even have one spot on them!

i miss garfield a lot...

i took every chance i have to go to the pet shop to see him...

whenever he sees me,

he meows bitterly,

telling me he wants to go home...

i just stroke his paws and his head while crying...

i couldn't hold back my tears at all...

i promised garfield that once i'm recovered,

i'll take him home...

but deep down, some part of me, even now,

i think that i shouldn't keep my hopes too high...

i know that my all-paranoid mother will be thinking

a million times more on whether we should

continue to keep garfield as a pet and risk repeating history...

it was tuesday night when my mom

took my sisters to the same clinic i went to...

it was the same doctor i consulted before...

he recognised me and he can tell that

my spots were much worse than the last time i consulted him...

he said it might be lupus...

lupus???!!! that's really serious and highly contagious!!!

he suggested that everyone in my family

who have these spots should be emitted to the hospital!

so my sisters, my mom and me packed our clothes

and my dad took us to the damansara hospital,

which in the end, was a complete waste of time and petrol...

the hospital had no rooms and there wasn't a

24 hr on call skin specialist to give us a medical check-up,

no point getting staying in the hospital either...

so we all went home...

the next morning, my mom took my sisters and me

to the subang jaya hospital to consult the dermatologist...

the doctor scraped some of my spots to get my skin as a specimen...

he was very dedicated and he went through doing

experiments with my skin sample until

he came to a final conclusion: fungus growth...

he said it was a very vicious fungus cos' it was so active

but not really life-threatening...

but then we weren't sure where did the fungus came from...

the only new thing that recently came

into our lives was our new pet, garfield...

but how could it be him???!

we've requested the staff at the pet shop to give garfield

a flea-bath and the vet did a medical check-up on him

but there was nothing wrong with him...

except cats are natural carriers

of ring worms andmy spots looked like

it was caused by ring worms...

but the vet said that even those

who get ring worms

from cats wouldn't even have

so many spots like mine...

after that, my mom went completely paranoid...

she ordered my maid to vacuum the sofas,

changed the curtains,

took everyone's bed mattress out to sun,

changed the bed sheet and covers,

moped the floor with dettol

and even wash our clothess with dettol...

arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! what a headache!

the dermatologist even told me to

stay at home and rest for 3 days...

so i didn't went to school on wednesday till friday...

but of course i went to tuition on saturday and sunday...

i went back to school on monday and

it was hard for me in class for i couldn't stop

rubbing/scratching on my spots...

they were damn itchy!

i just couldn't stop myself!

i cried in school for every time i thought of garfield,

i get emotional cos' i miss him so damn much!

i tried not to let anyone in class to notice my tears

but i couldn't hide my tears from jasmine...

i can't even hold back my tears...

so everyday, i have this routine:

wake up extra early in the morning, shower,

apply the cream medicine on every spot i have,

take breakfast and pill medicine,

go to school, come home,

shower after lunch, apply medicine again...

and i have to hear the same questions from

my parents like how are you today, pui theng?

i know they ask cos' they care

but asking me every single day is really starting to get annoying...

i'm getting tired of answering back

the same answers like 'ok lor' or 'i'm fine'...haizzzzz

i do this every weekday since on weekends

i don't go to school except for tuition...

but still i hate this routine!

hate the: waking up extra early just to apply medicine

(damn, you have no idea how many spots i have! more than 50+! seriously!!!)

and taking pill medicine after every breakfast!

hate it! hate it! hate it!

and i hate not having garfield around in the house!

eventhough he has only been staying in my house

as long as the 2 week school holidays,

i've already grown used to his presence...

i miss him so so so much!!!

i miss giving him food and water,

miss stroking him,

miss hugging him and showing all my love to him,

miss tickling him on his belly,

miss watching tv with him,

miss playing with him with or

without his favourite ping pong ball,

miss seeing him running and jumping from one sofa to another,

miss racing with him to the back of the kitchen

or to the living room and even upstairs,

i miss spending time with him

while i'm using the computer and

he just lays on the computer desk...

i also miss him manja-ing me and

i miss the way he licks me to let me know

he really does love me!

GOD! I MISS EVERYTHING BOUT GARFIELD!!!!

the worst part, is knowing that i may have to give up my bibi boy...

my mom said i can't risk getting the

same fungus growth again once i'm completely recovered

for my trial exams are coming soon...

all the itchiness can really affect

my studies and preparations for the exams...

and honestly, now that i'm recovering

and i don't feel itchy anymore,

i don't wanna go through it for the

2nd time again...i've suffered enough!

but then no one actually knows where and

how did i get fungus growth...

everyone only SUSPECT and not

COMFIRMED that garfield caused all this...

so i'm not going to give him up unless if it really is him

causing the fungus growth on me and

then only i have no other option but to either sell him

or give him to the vet who i trusted

to take good care of garfield for me now...

she is the only who i believe,

will take great care of garfield (since she a vet after all)

life is unfair and i know it...

i may continue to keep garfield and

i may have to be forced to give him up...

nothing is certain now...

i can only hope for the best,

but i won't be keeping my hopes too high...

i might go insane if i'm too disappointed...